Dilbert comic strip for 02/22/2010 from the official Dilbert comic strips archive.

Dilbert comic strip for 02/22/2010 from the official Dilbert comic strips archive.

Half of higher education was this.

So very, very tired.

I just got done writing about all about the crazy Iron County sports scene and I'm tired. Sundays are tough because between church and the last minute interviews and writing I need to do to meet my deadlines; I can't sleep during the day. Then I have to work Sunday night. Every week I get a good 24 hours of wakefulness. It doesn't really suck anymore, after a while most things, like my vacuum, stop sucking.

I’m moving along in Twilight and laughing most of the way though.

Okay, if you like Twilight and are reading this please tell me: Why do they like each other?

This is what I gather: Bella likes (excuse me, loves beyond all comprehension) Edward because he is a vampire and is able to trance people into liking him. Edward likes (loves to death) Bella because he can’t read her mind.

What?!

Is there more I’m missing? They never really enjoy each other’s company. They go between being pissed at each other to being hopelessly and over dramatically attracted to each other. Sure, there is the whole two days where Edward questions Bella on every detail of her life, but that seemed more like Edwards bully nature than an honest interest.

Do either of them stop complaining? Bella talks endlessly about how she just wants to be with Edward, then throws a hissy because she has to hike for a few miles. Ugh.

Also, Man this book is sexual. I’ve never read such a sexual book where the two main characters don’t hardly touch each other.

I’m going to get a bit personal here.

I lived in Florida for a while and while there I had the unusual experience of being the object of several girls’ attention. Part of the reason was that I was one of three straight single guys working at Disney World, but another part of it was that I was a known virgin. Girls liked to know that they could lead me along for as far as they wanted and I’d always keep them safe. They would try and push me to the edge just to see if I’d turn away before it was too late (If mom is reading this I never went further than a gentleman should go, and I never went as far as they would have wanted me to go [if someone apart from my mother is reading this then it’s still true. I was raised thinking that going “all the way” meant a trip to Disneyland and “hooking up” meant meeting someone for burgers]).

The point being: I know that some women are attracted to the guy who, though capable of dangerous things (sex, and all guys are), they can feel safe with them.

Of course basing a relationship on that in the context of fiction is very superficial and 2 dimensional. I’m hoping for Edward to come out and say “You know what Bella, I’m tired of being such a jerky, overbearing brute. I like you because….” and then give a real reason.

Okay, not going to happen.

And there are HOW many books after this one?

Oh! I got to the part where he shows how he sparkles in the sun. It was just as embarrassing to read as I imagined.

Slogging Blogging

It's just so... bad.

I've had to slog my way though hundreds of books in college, but Twilight instills this deep sense of.... like when you are starving but the food you have to eat is not tasty or nutritious AND it takes a long time to prepare. Also, better food is all around you ready to eat. I'll do it, I feel a challenge to do it, but it may take longer. I can only do it if I let my mind have vacations with better things around.

Tonight I started watching the TV show "V" and I kind of like it. Overacted, yes, but anything that finds an obscure internet conspiracy and uses it as a premise for an entire series has my vote.

My own story is lingering in that strange place between character and plot. I have this vague sense that it is good, I just don’t know what it is. I have all these really compelling images and scenes in my head, as well as characters, but I don’t know what ties them all together yet.

Also, World of Warcraft is awesome and I like to play it. I’d say I play it too much, but I’ve written three frackin’ novels in the last few years. That’s most than most novelists, WHILE I was going to school. I think I’m okay as far as video game time goes.

Also, the word “frack” and any derivative thereof is from the TV show “Battlestar Galactica”. It is used as their futuristic swear word and highlights the absurdity that some words are considered bad and some are considered good. I don’t swear as a general rule, and I never use the name of God in vain, but I like frack. It sounds enough like a bad word to make people stop, and then dismiss immediately, which is stupid really. Someone said to me, “If you mean it, why don’t you just say it?” It’s all so relative as to render it absurd. And the way people swear is just funny. It’s suppose to be edgy, but is something really edgy when virtually everyone does it? The opposite of edge is, flat, as in the EDGE of this knife is no more. It is now FLAT. So if everyone uses the edgy words, they are no longer edgy, right? Why do people get away with this? Same thing with sex, but that’s another topic for another day.

I assured her that if I ever did mean it I would say it. It being the other swear word that starts with a letter F. The “Eff” word. The F-dash-dash-dash word. In the words of Ralphie, FFFFFUUUUUDDGGGEEEE.

Twilight is funny, it uses the word “crow” for Bella’s swear word, which is so farfetched and stupid as to render it adorable, like a differently-abled puppy trying to argue for libertarianism. Everyone knows that it won’t work, but the effort is just so scrappy you have to smile.

I’ve never heard any American person use the word crow as an exclamatory. I’ve heard it twice apart from that. First was from an old Australian man who said. “Stone the Crows, It’s hot.” And the second time was from British playwright Andrew Lloyd Webber’s show “Joseph and the Amazing… and so forth” where Pharaoh says “Stone the crows, this Joseph is a clever kid.”

The saying makes no sense, but that’s the way it is with sayings from Brittan.

So Stephanie uses it because she doesn’t want her characters to swear, which only dips this story deeper into the shellac of unreality.

“But it’s about vampires,” a fan my say. “It’s not supposed to be realistic.”

Yes it is. Every story is suppose to be realistic. Even if you clone dinosaurs, have zombies, and show Hitler winning the war, it has to be done in a way so that the dinosaur riding zombie Nazis can exist in a world that we believe in. This realism is created by the little things. The way people talk or the way scenery is described. The books characters read or the conversations they steer away from. The way light shines though a leaf or the swear words they use.

I love Stephen King’s books because they seem so realistic to me. Not that I believe a vampire could exist, but because his characters and locations are so methodically put forth that I believe what happens.

Another good example of this is the book “Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom” by Cory Doctorow (which you can read and download for free by clicking here, it’s not stealing, he allows people to do this). This book is a scifi book about a future where death is a minor inconvenience and you wear your reputation on your sleeve for everyone to see and rank. The story could never happen, but it is set in Walt Disney World and the culture and setting is perfect enough that you believe it. Then the fantastic stuff just happens.

So, the popularity of Twilight must mean that lots of people relate to the story or to Bella as a person. As I’ve said before, people don’t act like that EVER, so it has to be something else.

I think it’s sex, but as I said, that is another story for another time.

Blogging Twilight: Part 2

Chapters 5-9

I’m only a section through the first book and already I realize that much of the criticism leveled at this story could very well be unfounded. There ARE problems to be sure, but it may not be to the extent that some say. I’ll have to see how the stories play out to be sure though.

First, the bad. The writing in this book continues to suck. Like, CSI Miami suck. Check out this clip that will make you laugh.

Yeah, I picture this type of scene in the book all the time. Let me share a couple of the worst sections.

“I didn’t feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full—of butterflies.” (YEEAAAHHHH!)

“The decision was ridiculously easy to live with. Dangerously easy.” (YEEAAAHHHH!)

Plus there were a ton of coma splices, tense confusion, and other mistakes that can be forgiven in a common blog, like mine, but not in a published novel. All other things this book does right are hidden behind confusing language.

Okay. I won’t complain about the bad writing every time unless it’s particularly funny.

Here the reader is introduced to Jacob who, if the Burger King ads are to be believed, becomes a major character. Major enough to have a whole team named after him. I fear that he will end up the perpetual good guy who is actually, you know, nice to the girl who he likes which enables the girl to use him and string him along while giving all her love to the jerk. Jacob seemed likeable enough, at least compared to everyone else in the story. Too bad I’m fairly sure Bella is going to treat him like crap.

And here is a major criticism against the book I think may be wrong. I’ve heard over and over that Bella is a simple character who is good at everything but given that one fault to make her seem more accessible, in her case it’s her clumsiness. I don’t think that’s the case.

I’m giving Stephenie Meyer a huge benefit of the doubt by saying this, but it is possible Bella is more complex that I gave her credit for. I see Bella as a little scared girl who forces herself to act older and ‘above it all’ when in reality she isn’t. She always acts like the flighty little problems of high school are below her, but whenever Edward is in the picture; she not only reverts to high school, but to elementary. He says jump, she says how high… while jumping. He says bark, she barks.

He forcefully grabs her and, against her will, pulls her across the parking lot toward his car, refusing to let go even though she tells him to stop, and she’s okay with it.

Yeah, it’s nearly an abusive relationship, I’d be surprised if Edward doesn’t smack her sometime in the series, it fits his character so far, but it’s defiantly manipulative and unhealthy, which taps into the whole sick and stupid ‘bad boy attraction’ some girls seem to have. Daddy issues play a part. Mommy issues too. Bella says herself that she had to be the adult in the relationship with her mother, which could make her socially retarded. She never dated and she obviously doesn’t know how to handle herself on the beach or on the girl’s shopping day.

In a real way, this is like pornography in the fact that it presents an unhealthy and unrealistic expectation to girls about their relationship to guys which can never happen in real life, but the draw is too alluring to ignore, though the objectifying of men, though very much present and harmful, can’t compare to how much porn degrades women.

So let’s talk about Edward for a moment. He too could be more complex then I gave him credit for, though it’s hard to tell because he is written in a way meant for the reader to fall in love with him. As I am not in love with him all I see is the dangerous and dreamy man-animal (manamal) Bella wants him to be. And he is socially retarded in his own way: unable to handle conflict, quick to anger, demanding, demeaning. He’s a grade A jerk, but he sees he is a jerk, and he hates it, which is a little bit interesting.

Two social retards dating though… I don’t know…. it doesn’t seem to bode well, and this is where I have my hesitation.

I can’t see either character pulling the other one up in order to go through a dynamic change which could form real and honest characters. Both are wallowing in their own dysfunction and both completely self obsessed (If Bella really cared about Edward, she would have honored his wishes to stay away from him and if Edward really loved Bella, he wouldn’t treat her like a toy poodle).

Here’s the deal. I need to see some dynamic action with these characters or the story is bad. Not only does the action need to be dynamic, it needs to be honest. It can happen, I’m just wondering how. It’s very possible that this story will floor me with unexpected goodness I could never expect.

But I’m not going to hold my breath.

Blogging Twilight: Part 1.5

My reading scedual is all out of wiggity-whack lately. I've only gave the barest of glances to Bella in the last couple of days, mostly due to the fact that my newspaper job is keeping me crazy busy, and also because I've been playing Dante's Inferno.

As an English Geek I feel obligated to go to hell in video game terms at least.

Anyway, I came across this blog which highlights the reasoning behind this little social experiment of mine. Not only does it deal with the crazy fandom that this series of books has created, but it is run by people who are completely hateful about it, which is just as bad.

Let's say they come up with a new form of pancake (and by "they" I obviously mean Denny's). This new Pancake is made mostly of sugar and artificial pancaking agents, but lots of people love it. So many people love it that it becomes the most popular breakfast item for a while. Would people who are fans of other pancakes devote time and energy to denouncing the new pancake, which would be called Denny's Ultimate Pancake Delux Redux?

Why is it that if you don't care for something that is crazy popular the default position is ultimate hatred? I've read studies that suggest it's a result of the global community we find ourselves living in. Before if a movie didn't interest you, you didn't watch it and that was that. These days if a movie doesn't interest you, you are bombarded by thousands of people who disagree with you. In order to make your point more solid, and hence your person more important, you take the extreme view. Same thing with Hanna Montana, Pokemon, and Obama.

Look at George W. Bush. There were people who dedicated most of their time for eight years hating Bush, people who were completely unaffected by anything Bush could have done, but you have to take the extreme measure if you want to count. Same thing with Obama. I'm not a fan of the man, but the amount of hate thrown at him, and more to the point the amount of effort put into throwing hate at him, is confounding.

And I admit I was in the Hate Twilight camp for a while. I didn't like the fact that it reinvented the vampire novel, or tried to at least. I didn't like that Stephenie Meyer became the highest selling Mormon author with a book that couldn't hold a candle to Orson Scott Card's "Ender's Game". And I didn't like the fact that IT WAS HER AND NOT ME.

Yes I was jealous.

So that is why I am plowing through. And I'll plow through more of it with a proper post soon.

Blogging Twilight: Part 1

Pages 1 - 84

This afternoon when I woke up (I work graves remember) I saw the book sitting on the little computer chair in the middle of the living room. Apparently my wife found it in the garage and set it up for me.

So here I go.

Starting a book with an excerpt from the ending is kind of a gimmick, but I can see why it needs it. The first line, "I'd never given much thought to how I would die..." is pretty bad, but it sets the tone. I have to get over one thing pretty quickly: This is not a well written book. In fact, it’s pretty awful.

Which, I guess, is not the worst thing in the world. Lots of popular books are poorly written. I love me some Lovecraft, but the man was a hack.

This book bumps around as clumsily as Bella. It's full of unneeded…. Punctuation- breaks. Not only that, but it has a very passive voice. Mix that in with hardly any dialogue at all and it’s a tough thing to smooth your eyes over. The end result is like trying to read a cheese grater (that makes sense to me). The narrative runs haphazardly from one topic to the next with little to no, I don’t know, storytelling.

It’s also apparently one big voice over. Yes, it’s first person, but the very first rule of fiction is: Show, Don’t Tell. This is nothing but tell. In truth it reminds me of reading stories from a first year college writing class. I imagine if someone was a bit more honest with Stephenie in a workshop group, then it would be a lot easier to read.

But enough of that. Let’s move to the story.

Bella moves from a town she loves to a town she hates to live with a father she barely acknowledges to get away from a mother she loves so she can travel with a baseball boyfriend who is alright. While there she is frustrated and annoyed by the attention she receives from just about every boy in school.

Okay, wait a sec. She gets asked out to a dance (or asked if she would ask them out I guess) three times in one day and is annoyed by this because she can’t dance and because the hot rude boy is just so frustratingly handsome.

I’ve known girls who are described like Bella, (or at least as much of a description as she gives. I can see how she is a perfect vessel for any girl to pour themselves into), and they don’t act like that. No girl acts like that.

No they don’t.

No. They don’t.

I think this is how older women wished they would have acted and that could explain why the book is popular. Young girls can wish they were like that and older women can pretend it was.

Okay, so the members Cullen family are all beautiful beyond belief and aloof to the school. Edward takes an interest in Bella for reasons that are not apparently clear yet. First he acts like she is stinky then he pays attention, then he saves her life, then she gets all crazy.

Yes, she gets all crazy:

“It’s too bad you didn’t figure that out earlier,” I hissed through my teeth. “You could have saved yourself all this regret.”

“Regret?” The word, and my tone, obviously caught him off guard. “Regret for what?”

“For not just letting that stupid van squish me.”

(…) “You think I regret saving your life?”

“I know you do,” I snapped.

What?!? Where did this come from?

Okay, obviously she is really upset because she is so very much in love with this guy who looks pretty and acts like a jerk and she doesn’t think he is interested at all… how does that jump to “you wish I was dead”? If I was the guy, I would laugh, tell Bella to have a nice life, and go for a less angstish mortal.

And here is my problem. I don’t like the characters yet. Bella is a whiny fake person, Edward is a jerk who knows he can get away with it because he is so very attractive (and supernaturally hypnotic I think, which has its own creepy vibe), and everyone else doesn’t have a personality I can properly identify. If it wasn’t for Bella telling me who she was talking to I wouldn’t know them from anyone else. Gender seems to be the only thing her friends at school have unique about them.

I do like the father character though. It’s a pretty accurate portrayal of a bumbling father trying to do right with his daughter while neither one of them know what to do.

Though, in a way it is fun to read. Something I can’t figure out does call out to the shallow and selfish days of high school where everyone thinks they are the center of the world.

We’ll have to see how the trip to Seattle goes. Something tells me it will be equal parts hypnotic and angsty.

Problems with High Speed Internet

So our internet provider is acting suspicious.

This is what happened: Beth and I wanted to watch the season premier of Lost, and we don't have TV. This hasn't been an issue for anything. Between Hulu, Netflix, and other stuff we can pretty much watch whatever show we want.

So as we were trying to watch Lost, the dang internet was CRAWLING. I felt like it was 1996 and I was huddled around Mr. Anderson's computer in English class waiting for the movie clip to load so we can see a woman play with a fake tiger.

Don't ask.

Anyway, it only let us watch a few moments at a time, which sucks. Beth did a speed test and (and I don't fully understand the terminology) but it said we only had one bite. Or something. It was bad.

I called up the company and after spending half an hour on hold listening to the music static in and out I thought, "screw it" and decided to go for the online support.

I chatted with a person who talked me though some sort of witch doctor look at my computer. He said it was fast enough. I said it wasn't and he said it was.

Rather than resort to a fifth grade argument, and because it was a chat screen on the computer, I simply closed the browser.

Now the internet is working faster than I've ever seen it.

This is what I think, and I have no knowledge or how these companies do stuff, but it's expensive to provide high speed internet. So, I envision a large instrument panel that has the name of every subscriber they have. Next to the name is a dial that goes from 1-1o. When you are brand new customer, they set it to 10, which is the fastest. Over time, they turn it down to slow down the internet, which is cheaper for them. If you call them to complain, they turn it back up to placate you.

I'M ON TO YOU!!!!!

But that's not the point.

I have a much clearer vision about the next story. Yes, it will be about the people in a music festival. Yes, it will be about the end of the world. I was trying to think of a way for the world to end that wasn't done to death. No zombies, no global war, no super virus.

I sent of a query off to a agent and it led me to read the story I got published in The Abacot Journal and it got me to thinking.

It's a good story and a good concept. Putting normal dorks into larger than life, or supernatural, situations.

So if I have the story be about the actuality of the apocalypse from the point of view of the people participating in it, the 4 horsemen and so forth... I like it.

The Epic of the Lost Twilight

I can't find the stupid book.

I know we own it because my wife read it. I've seen it a hundred times, I know I have. The Black cover with an apple, I've seen it everywhere. Now that I'm actually looking for it I can't find it.

I looked everywhere for it and I realized that I have tons of books. I don't have my own library yet, but I'm pretty damn close.

Thanks to my days as an English Major, I have pretty much every book by Hemingway and Dickens. My Stephen King collection is about five acres worth of trees. Somehow I've amassed a considerable comic book collection as well. Thanks to a mother-in-law who doesn't quite know what to buy me for Christmas I have a half dozen or so books which feature born again Christian commentary on various pieces of work. I have all the Harry Potters all the Tolkens, all the Narnias. I have pretty much all the Chuck Palahniuks. I have tons of books on literary theory, tons of books of poetry, and tons of books of literary theory of poetry. I have the complete works of Shakespeare, the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe, and the complete Sherlock Holmes. I have a small collection of stupid, flash-in-the-pan psudo-religious books that my mom gave to me.

Looking for this book has reintroduced me to all of the books I have that I haven't read or completed yet. Still haven't finished Battle Royal yet. Ditto with the last Dark Tower book. Haven't cracked half of the Sherlock Holmes either. Heart of Darkness is still staring at me from the bookshelf as is Dorian Gray and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and its sister Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.

When my wife came home I asked her if she knew where it was. She said yes and then proceeded to look in the exact same places I looked, which is our tradition. Our house isn't large and there is only so many places a thing can hide.

In the end I figure our cats must have done something with it. Perhaps they want to save me from the experience of reading it and thus ate it. Who knows. I'll probably end up buying it on the Kindle... though this is a problem as well. I share a Kindle account with my brother and if he sees this book on there he is sure to mock.

That's not what I wanted to talk about anyway. I wanted to talk about my wife and I going out to dinner.

Since I started my job as a Sports Writer we now find ourselves with a bit of money. Also, Beth's job just gave her health insurance so we are feeling particularly grown up. Anyway we wanted to celebrate a bit so we went out to eat tonight... or I should say last night as it's 2:32 AM right now.

We wanted to go to a place called Hot Mama's Pizza in Duck Creek as Beth did the Graphic Design for the whole shop. We loaded in the car and drove the hour over the icy, snowy mountain passes to Duck Creek only to find Hot Mama's closed.

It was a bit lonely at Duck Creek. The snow was packed higher than the car and the driveways to individual businesses looked like something out of Alaskan photos. There was only one place open. A small cafe called Aunt Sue's Chalet. Beth didn't want to go, but I was HONGRY so I insisted we stop and eat there.

The only other vehicles in the driveway was a 4-wheeler and a dog sled. When we went in we were greeted by a nice lady, Aunt Sue I reckon, and a surly looking fellow wearing insulated overalls... maybe Aunt Sue's Husband Uncle Dick. Other than that, the place was empty.

Something fun about being the only one in a restaurant. Makes me feel like I have servants or something.

We were seated and handed menus. That's when I saw my favorite set of words ever printed at a restaurant: "Breakfast Served All Day." I don't know why, but I always feel like I'm getting away with something somewhat perverse when I can order breakfast all day.

I got an order of biscuits and gravy and a ham steak. Beth ordered the 1/2 pound (!) bacon cheeseburger.

While we waited we watched some show on animal planet which wasn't about animals. It made me think about the sad decline of TLC into a never ending crapfest of fashion shows and DIY pornography.

The food was excellent. After dinner I got a slice of Mountain Berry Pie a-la mode and Beth got a cup of.... a-la mode. We ate desert while I made fun of people who think pets are psychic. When we paid the bill Aunt Sue told us that she thinks her own dog, a little rat who sleeps at her feet at night, is psychic. I wondered if she heard us talking and decided to give her two cents or if it was just one of those things she shares with everyone.

It was a nice little adventure: braving the treacherous roads (it was a two hour round trip and we saw a total of 4 other vehicles... not counting the dog sled) to discover a little out of the way cafe with awesome food.

Blogging Twilight

I have this strange fascination with things that people get obsessed with which I could care less about. I first noticed this when I watched the documentary "King of Kong" which chronicles the attempts of two people to set the world record in Donkey Kong. Since then I've gone out of my way to try and understand the culture which surrounds strange nitch groups. Why do people get obsessed with Live Action Role Playing for example? What about the intense fantasy football players? How about people who run marathons? Why is Hannah Montana so popular? What is the draw?

Enter Twilight.

I have often decried Twilight as literary drivel, but I've only read a few pages of the series. I know full well that I'm NOT the target audience of these books, but good literature is good literature. I'm not the target market for Pride and Prejudice or Little Women either, but I love those books. Be that as it may, the Twilight Phenomenon is everywhere and I want to understand it.

Hence Forth, I will read the books, watch the movies, and try to understand what it is about Twilight that makes so many people (women) go nuts about it. Here I will chronicle my findings and opinions about it.

Heaven help me.

No.. that's not fair. If I'm going to do this, I have to be fair. I have to erase my prejudices about the book and try and go in fresh. When I study religion I always make it a point to understand it first from the religion's point of view. That way I can separate myself from my own original ideas about life and see something from another point of view. It's not always lovely, but i think I can do it from a rational standpoint.

That's what I'm going to do with Twilight. I'm going to look at it from the point of view that I already like it. We'll see how it goes.

If this little experiment works well I'll try my hand at other things as well, like marathon running or Hannah Montana. We'll see.

I'll make my first post tomorrow.

Lost

See, this is the thing:

I know I can write novels. I've written three and while they may not be up there with Dickens, they are just as good, if not better than most of what's out there on the shelves in Barnes and Nobel.

I've been trying to get them published/represented for ages now and just keep getting one rejection after another. No big deal, except now I have the unmistakable tinkilings of a fledgling story in my brain. I also know I can't ignore it forever.

Writing something that big is a drain. It's just as hard as any work I've had to do (including farm work) but it's also something that I can't contain. That said, it's also something that hasn't given me any substantial consequence. Yes, once I'm holding the printed manuscript in my hands I feel like I'm king of the world, but then comes the tedious and discouraging job of submitting it over and over to get rejected over and over.

And now-a-days I find my life packed to the brim with all kinds of stuff- stuff which I've purposefully placed in my life in order to allow me to write. My night job and my new job as a sports editor both allow me to play with my passion, but in a way that doesn't follow where I feel I should be.

Sometimes I want to just screw it all and get a 9-5 job with benefits and just forget about all the characters and stories in my head.

This new one is an end of the world type story following a group of people who got thrown together at a music festival. Lots of interesting and strange people follow festivals around between the blue collar guys who put everything together and the flighty artistic musicians, and the guys who follow behind in vans to sell bootlegged merchandise, and the dead-set fans who follow their favorite band. I think that the theme of so many odd people who make up this very unusual sub-culture all being thrown into a dangerous-possibly supernatural-situation could make a very compelling story.

And I feel that story in my head and it's going to come out.

I guess in the end I'm a writer. I'm always going to be a writer. If I die with a hundred unpublished manuscripts then I'll die with a hundred unpublished manuscripts.

I'd just like to see something come from it is all.

I guess I look at my dad who has struggled all his life and finally finds himself in the situation he wanted to be in since he was a young man. I just have to be patient. Maybe my dues will take 20 years to pay. Who knows.

In a movie, something has to happen

Right now I am watching "Lost" season 1 episode 4 "Walkabout". I've seen it a bunch so I don't really need to watch it to know what's going on. Right now they are just about to discover wild boars in the plane eating the dead bodies.

And there they go. Now Locke shows everyone his knives.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about this movie I watched today. It's called "Paranormal Activity" and it's stupid.

It's about this girl who has been haunted by a demon or something ever since she was a little girl. She is living with her boyfriend who is a full fledged douche bag.

The douche bag buys a very nice video camera in order to film the scary stuff that is happening to his girlfriend, scary things as in strange bumps in the night.

He wants to film strange bumps... a bump is a sound by the way. He want's to film sound.

Anyway, that's pretty much it. Nothing happens. I was watching it with Beth (my wife by the way) and she'd seen it before. I kept asking her if something was going to happen, and she kept saying no.

"So... is she going to, like, start to bleed?"

"No."

"Does she float above the bed?"

"No."

"Is she suppose to be possessed?"

"Yeah."

"She's just standing there."

"Yeah. It's subtle."

.....

.....

.....

"She just went to sleep again. She was possessed by a demon, stood up for a while, then went back to bed."

"Nothing really happens until the last few seconds of the movie."

....

"Can we just fast-forward it to that part then?"

"No."

The whole time the guy wants to use a Ouija Board to talk to the demon, but the girlfriend is dead set against it. So the guy goes ahead and uses a Ouija board.

The real demon in the movie is an unhealthy relationship.

I understand that, of late, horror movies have become stupid torture porn. With cinematic tripe like "Hostel" and "Saw" and "Saw II" and "Saw III" and "Saw IV: Even Saw-ier" I really could use a horror movie that is more subtle and scary at the same time. I don't need to see a kidney or a coil of intestine in order to be scared.

That said. Something needs to happen in the movie. You just can't show two people talk about nothing for an hour and a half, then throw in a few seconds of jumpy bits and call it a movie.

The whole thing only cost something like $45.98 or something, and it shows. On one hand I appreciate the whole independent film vibe, and it's obvious when a good idea for a movie gets ruined by too many people trying to make it into something it's not *coughxmencough* but this could have used some more input. Like from a writer or a director or something.

Anyway, don't watch it. It sucks. It's bad. It's stupid.

It's better than Avatar though... so if it's a choice between Avatar and Paranormal Activity... you really need to reevaluate your life.

I Just Shot a Bear!

Not really. I've never shot a bear in my life. I think I could count the number of animals I've shot on my fingers and toes... if I was allowed to use them all more than once.

The title of this blog comes from a line in the TV show "Lost", and that's what that is about.

I've been thinking about keeping a blog for a while, but the idea seemed rather silly, as if what I had to say would be of any interest. But, hey, why not, right?

See, the thing is, I work a lot of nights and my mind goes crazy. I'm going to use this to talk about what books I'm reading, what movies I've watched and so on. Also, I'll treat it like a writer's journal and try to work out ideas for the stories I write here.

So, there you go.